You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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