So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
