do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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