ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
