I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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