i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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