Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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