I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He passed out mid-signature
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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