Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
