Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
