i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
