Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
