Sry I called you an 8
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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