it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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