did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
