I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
