Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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