Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize