I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
