Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
