three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
