How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
