2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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