Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
someone owes me an orgasm
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
