On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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