she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
