No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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