Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
