im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
