i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
