need another drink. this is the easiest way
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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