is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My pussy is not your playground.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
