U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
