If that was your dad, he is hot
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
