4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
