a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
