i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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