I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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