cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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