your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
another moral hangover. fuck.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
