Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
