Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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