this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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