she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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