I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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