Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
