guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
