he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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