I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
