Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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