I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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