I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
