I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Even my vagina gasped.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
