you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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