Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
