I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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