WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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