she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
