So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
