And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
