you turned your livingroom into a bong?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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