No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
