remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
