No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
