She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
