Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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