It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
