She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
