I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
