So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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