her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
