I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
