I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
is it fun? or sober?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
