I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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