I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
