Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
