i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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