ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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