feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
