I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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