I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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