does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
