Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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