we made out on top of his cat.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
